A Nod to Just Joan

My favorite blog du jour is https://justjoan42.wordpress.com/2018/10/21/spotlight-on-bodily-functions/comment-page-1/#comment-2590 . Her uncanny ability to make virtually anything funny, including poetry, makes me a fan. Today, she wrote about an inopportune call of nature which, of course, reminded me (and probably everyone who read it) of similar calls.

My story is more a lesson in Karma than a rib tickler. While on vacation in my hometown in Michigan, I’d gone for an evening walk. If you have never been to Holland, you are in for a Dutch treat when you get around to crossing a visit to this charming town off your bucket list. Holland consists of lovely old neighborhoods, with immaculately landscaped yards and a church within walking distance, almost anywhere you wander. So, I set off for a walk to enjoy the long summer evening and the aromas of home-cooked supper wafting from open windows. I was about two miles from home when I felt an unsettling twinge. I ignored it as it was totally the wrong time of day for anything solid to be coming down the pipe. But within a few blocks, it became increasingly obvious that simply releasing a bit of air pressure wasn’t going to be sufficient. I made a bee line for home with the cold realization that walking faster was going to be counter productive…or perhaps more productive in this case. By this time it was growing dark and there was no question of disturbing some pious family’s post-dinner Bible study with a request to use their powder room. Just when my situation looked hopeless, I spotted a church a block away and I nearly sprinted towards it. I was almost within calling distance when I saw a man come out, close the doors, and turn off the lights. All hope dashed, I looked wildly around for any private place to do the unspeakable. Behind the church, there was a hedge that afforded complete and utter darkness and there, to my shame, I left a nasty surprise for the gardener, who was probably a church member volunteer. My cheeks burn at the memory.

As you may recall, I happen to work at a church which is in a downtown area where occasionally homeless folks find sheltered space to bed down. So it came as no surprise when I found a tidy pile next to the wheelie bins when I put them back in place this morning. The custodian wondered aloud what kind of a degenerate would do such a disgusting thing. Without explanation, I told him I would clean it up. She who poops in the road will find flies on her return.

Oh, by the way, I passed that church on my last visit home and they had removed that bit of hedge. I can’t say that I blame them, you know it was an attractive nuisance.

2 thoughts on “A Nod to Just Joan

  1. Still LOL at “the custodian wondering aloud what kind of a degenerate would do such a disgusting thing. Without explanation, I told him I would clean it up. She who poops in the road will find flies on her return.” Dear me, Judy! Whizzing in public is one thing, dropping a load is in a whole ‘nother category. I’ve never found myself in such a dire circumstance that I had to poo “in the bush” but I have funked up a few public restrooms in my time. I recall the familiar burbling and cramping hitting me at PetSmart during the Christmas shopping season. I had to ask where their restroom was, and in an effort to reach it faster, I abandoned my cart and literally made a run for it. It was a two-holer, so the outer door did not lock, but I sat down, let fly, and hoped for the best. Of course, somebody walked in. Two somebodies, a mother and a whining child who was probably hopping on one leg, seconds from having an accident. The child stopped short and hollered, “Eeeeewww, Mommy, it stinks in here!” I was mortified and determined to sit tight until they left, which they did, thankfully, was just a few seconds later. Thanks for the shout-out for Just Joan 42, where I take poetry to a whole ‘nother level; a lower level, but a lot more fun. đŸ™‚

    Like

    1. I spend a LOT of time outdoors, usually in fairly remote areas where privacy and decorum are not an issue. So, peeing (and worse) in the bush, is fairly routine. In fact, I always carry paper in a plastic bag, and hand sanitizer. However, walking in neighborhoods is a risky business for the vegetarian.

      Liked by 1 person

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