I’m Too Retarded to Learn Politically Correct Speech

Yes, my ability to learn and adapt has been retarded by my ageing brain. When my brain was more agile, I had no difficulty memorizing new words, as in, “El gusto es mio; soy Juan Martinez”. It was a little harder to learn to use new words for old things, but with some work, I could do it. But as I age, time goes by so quickly and re-naming things is just confusing. I mean, in my lifetime people who have naturally dark skin have been known in polite society (the only kind I have ever traveled in) as negro, colored, black, and African American. But now I guess I’m supposed to avoid even alluding to the fact that my friend Rhonda is of a different race than I am for fear of someone being offended that I noticed.

So, the other day I heard someone refer to their singular partner’s attribute as “their” thing. Okay, I get that perhaps one’s partner may be neither exclusively male nor female, and I don’t really have a vested interest in that, but unless one is referring to the holdings of multiple partners, he/she is NOT a “their”. I get that referring to one’s mate as “it” would be a bit impersonal, but it would, at least give him/her exclusive status.

I’m the first to admit that I’m insensitive. I mean truly, if you’re trying to insult me, please give me a heads up; because I’m not likely to get it. So, it’s unrealistic to expect me to be all that sensitive to your sensibilities. And BTW you probably can’t hurt my feelings unless I value your opinion. That leaves a boatload of people out.

Oh, and while I’m on this career busting, politically incorrect rant, don’t expect me to memorize an acronym that grows longer every week for your sexuality . I don’t expect you to recognize that I’m a PMW and I don’t care who or what consenting entity you consider arousing.

I have some advice for folks who want to take umbrage at my archaic language: Don’t get your panties in a wad and never ascribe to malice what can be explained by the ageing brain.