Modern technology is daunting enough for those of us who were not raised with it, but when you combine a confusing array of terms that seem to germinate like weeds, with a post-menopausal memory, well things can get… well, let’s just say funny, for lack of a better word.

A couple of days ago, I noticed that my cell phone wasn’t speaking to me. Puzzled, I went through my settings, adjusted the volume, tried calling myself to check to see if anything I’d done had remedied the situation, and after three tries, lo and behold it rang. But shortly thereafter, my Fitbit vibrated telling me that I had an incoming call, but again the phone was giving me the silent treatment. Finally in desperation, I looked online for the solution and of course, found that the mute button is on the side of my phone and I had only to move it to un-mute. I gleefully told my husband how happy I was to have finally figured out what the problem was. At which point he said, “Oh, yeah, the other day your phone was making noise when you were outside, so I just started pushing buttons to get it to shut up”. He doesn’t even have a cell phone because he…well, I can’t explain his eccentricities, so I can’t imagine how he figured out how to mute mine, especially when it took me an hour to figure out how to un-mute it.

Here’s the “funny” part of the story: I now recall that I had accidentally hit the mute button several months ago and had to ask my great-nephew how to “fix” it. One would think I would have remembered that!

As I continue my journey into crabby-old-lady hood, I find more and more little things that people do that aggravate me. Many of these things are probably annoying only to me, but nonetheless, I feel compelled to share them with you that you may be aware of just how crabby we old ladies really are, even when we smile pleasantly and say, “Oh, no, honey, I don’t mind, not a bit.

So, here’s something you might never have guessed is annoying: fabric softener. Some folks clothes smell so strongly of chemically induced fragrance that I can barely stand to ride behind them on the trail. I wonder why anyone, but men in particular, would want to smell like that.

In that same vein is cologne. Fragrance is like music in that hardly anybody likes the same kind. So, play it safe and don’t inflict it on others. Have you ever heard somebody say, “Gee, you don’t smell like anything.”? Nope, they don’t notice; but I guarantee plenty of people have thought to themselves that you smell just awful when your cologne can be smelled across the room. Take a shower once in a while, wash your shirt now and then, and chances are you will smell just fine.

Music is another subjective taste. Don’t assume your neighbors like country western music just because you do. I happen to love classical but I recognize that I’m not in the majority on that. So, if you want to listen to music while working outside, wear earbuds. Same goes for in your car. Nobody wants to have their windows rattled by your car’s sound system. I know you think you sound cool, but you’re not. You’re just annoying.

And, you grown men riding around on loud motorcycles, pretending to be outlaws, you sound stupid. You look like attention seeking little boys yelling, “Mommy look at me!” Grow up.

In the noise department I think my neighbors who fire off mortars for the entire month before a holiday are inconsiderate jerks. It scares the beejeebers out of the neighborhood dogs and wakes crabby old ladies who have been in bed since 9:00, making them even crabbier!

And fireworks segue into barking dogs. People, if you ignore your dog when he barks, he’s not going to be a good watch dog. A good guard dog barks only to alert you to possible danger. If you ignore his barking, he grows anxious because he realizes that he needs his pack leader to back him up. This leads to more barking and even crabbier neighbors.

I walk a lot. I mostly walk on trails but sometimes I have to walk along the street to get to trails. I wonder as I walk, what kind of uncivilized creature tosses his trash on the ground. Even more puzzling is, who on earth thinks it’s okay to dump their old couch into the ditch? C’mon folks, you know better. You should be ashamed. In my county, trash service is mandatory and that service includes twice a year large item (4 items per trip) free pick up. Should that be too convenient to suit you, the county landfill is open six days a week, and for a small fee they will allow you to dump your crap in their ditch.

You would think I would lose steam but I just keep thinking of things, like people who say “like” twenty times in one sentence; or supposedly articulate pundits on the radio who say, “you know’ repeatedly. No, I don’t know; why would you be on the radio telling me if I did know?!?

Okay, now I’m just being petty and I welcome your petty grievances too. I’d be so gratified to learn of something annoying that I might be doing to irritate my own neighbors. The other day, I asked my neighbor if my cats using her yard as a litter box was annoying and she smiled sweetly and said, “No, not a bit”.