Spreading Christmas Joy Wherever He Goes

Is there anything more crazy-fun than going to Costco between Thanksgiving and Christmas? I think not! First of all, you need to put on your big girl panties and gird yourself for the madding crowd. Personally, I rather enjoy the mad scramble as people ignore the “normal flow” and navigate their boat-sized shopping carts like a New York cab driver.

Starting with the grid locked parking lot, a great deal of equanimity is required. Drivers cruise the lanes like tiger sharks looking for prey. Since there is no preferred direction of travel, it’s common for drivers from both directions to aim for the same spot.

Coming from the newly designed gas station, we were funneled into the slowly moving carousel of parking space seekers. I spotted an empty space in the row next to the one we were in, but held out little hope that we could claim it before someone coming from the opposite direction spied it. At the end of the row, the line of vehicles making their way towards the exit blocked our progress, but since there was no oncoming traffic, I figured it was safe enough to bypass the outbound vehicles and scoot into the next row of parking spaces. Evidently, one of the gentlemen waiting in line to get to the exit, resented my scofflaw behavior and followed me, in spite of the fact that it took him away from his intended route. I saw him and assumed that he had also seen the vacant spot and intended to park, so I passed it by to allow him first access. I pulled into the next spot but, noooo, he was intent on enforcing the rules.

He pulled up behind me and leaned out of his window to inform me of my infraction. Of course, I said I was sorry but he responded, “What if I had not seen you and hit you?!” (never mind that he hadn’t signaled an intent to turn and had ample opportunity before I passed him)

Always irrepressible, I replied, “Then I would have been REALLY sorry.” Oh, dear, wrong response.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it!” he retorted with more vehemence than I thought was warranted. He followed up with some profane language and I realized that de-escalation was in order so I quit with the flippant replies.

Since my adorable great-niece was in the back seat, I briefly considered inflicting her charm on him, but thought better of it. A hostile jerk is in no way deserving of her supernatural charisma. I don’t think I’m biased when I say that this woman can melt the most unhappy man. By her definition, she “blows sunshine up his skirt”. And the reason she’s so successful is because she is sincere.

When my great niece turns her attention your way, she makes you feel like you are the most lovable person on the planet. Her interest in what you have to say is genuine and her enjoyment of your company feels like the real thing.

For a few minutes after the unpleasant encounter, we all felt a little deflated. After all, it’s sad to think that there are people driving around, seething, rather than enjoying the spirit of the season. But, once inside, we were caught up in the happy frenzy of material acquisition and the poor man was almost forgotten.

8 thoughts on “Spreading Christmas Joy Wherever He Goes

  1. Judy – there are people who are only happy when they are making others unhappy! Glad he didn’t ruin the day for you in your “conspicuous consumerism”. I need to make a run to the store to pick up some items for a gift… We started to do so today and realized that we are retired and can do our shopping when the rest of the world is at work!!!


    1. Yeah, I did feel slightly guilty, mingling with the crowds. But my great niece is still working and she likes Costco as much as I do. Part of the vibe at Costco is that the employees like their work. It’s nice to shop where the staff is appreciated by the employer and vice versa.


  2. I gave up my Costco card over bad behavior. I had to get out of my car and move a basket six feet to the basket ranch so I could park in the only available spot within a quarter mile. With the culprit within earshot I said “How hard would it be not to fuck everyone around being a lazy asshole.” Well, he started hollering how I was a racist and hated “his people” (middles eastern whatever) and a lot more with so much force two women in the parking lot whipped out their phones and called the cops. Inside one time I was playing dodgem with the carts and some guy my age, my race dressed all houndstooth tweedy clipped the front of my cart while I was immobilized by traffic. I sighed. Heavily. He said “WHAT?!” I said no big deal, man, I live in Dallas. I’m used to idiot drivers. The fucker called me an asshole and took a swing at me! Over the top of the carts! Like what did he expect to hit. A manager ran up, pulled the raging dude off his cart, told him to calm down then asked me what I needed him to do. “Restock this basket. I’m done.”


  3. Wow, it sounds like I’m lucky I didn’t get beaten up. Normally, I expect that my status as a diminutive, old lady makes me immune from aggression, but lately it seems that short tempers make anyone a target. I need to take sunshine blowing lessons!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. He sounds like the type of person I describe as “happy being unhappy”. Nothing you can do for them – the unfortunate side effect is that sometimes their misery overflows onto those around them. I’m glad the store restored your holiday spirit!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s