I’m Too Retarded to Learn Politically Correct Speech

Yes, my ability to learn and adapt has been retarded by my ageing brain. When my brain was more agile, I had no difficulty memorizing new words, as in, “El gusto es mio; soy Juan Martinez”. It was a little harder to learn to use new words for old things, but with some work, I could do it. But as I age, time goes by so quickly and re-naming things is just confusing. I mean, in my lifetime people who have naturally dark skin have been known in polite society (the only kind I have ever traveled in) as negro, colored, black, and African American. But now I guess I’m supposed to avoid even alluding to the fact that my friend Rhonda is of a different race than I am for fear of someone being offended that I noticed.

So, the other day I heard someone refer to their singular partner’s attribute as “their” thing. Okay, I get that perhaps one’s partner may be neither exclusively male nor female, and I don’t really have a vested interest in that, but unless one is referring to the holdings of multiple partners, he/she is NOT a “their”. I get that referring to one’s mate as “it” would be a bit impersonal, but it would, at least give him/her exclusive status.

I’m the first to admit that I’m insensitive. I mean truly, if you’re trying to insult me, please give me a heads up; because I’m not likely to get it. So, it’s unrealistic to expect me to be all that sensitive to your sensibilities. And BTW you probably can’t hurt my feelings unless I value your opinion. That leaves a boatload of people out.

Oh, and while I’m on this career busting, politically incorrect rant, don’t expect me to memorize an acronym that grows longer every week for your sexuality . I don’t expect you to recognize that I’m a PMW and I don’t care who or what consenting entity you consider arousing.

I have some advice for folks who want to take umbrage at my archaic language: Don’t get your panties in a wad and never ascribe to malice what can be explained by the ageing brain.

10 thoughts on “I’m Too Retarded to Learn Politically Correct Speech

  1. Judy, I can understand the difficulty of the aging brain. I am expected to refer to several people as they/them and one individual prefers ne/nem which causes my brain to just locks up and I end up grunting. I seem to be in a state of confusion and although I am making a valiant effort I forget and use the wrong pronoun. Sometimes I’m cut a little slack and other times I get the evil eye… it just depends on how big a chip is on the “injured” party’s shoulder.

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    1. At my age, I don’t really care what gender a person feels he/she/it is. I strive to treat everyone with kindness and empathy but I refuse to join another persons sense of persecution when there is none. Oh, by the way, I’ve just lengthened my sexual acronym to PMAPW (post menopausal asexual pinkish woman) That tells you more about me than you ever dreamed of wanting to know. You may refer to me as her, formerly her, gonnabe him (when I stop plucking my chin hairs), or whatever pronoun comes to your befuddled mind.

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  2. don’t feel your brain getting old at all, Judy. Your language is crisp, alert and punchy.
    Personally I tend to forget the names of plants and mushrooms, an area where I was a specialist in my youth (a little prolonged) I suffer when I pass next to a plant without being able to greet it with its name
    I am so done is it my fault? like you. 🙂
    Love ❤
    Michel

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  3. The new they/them/their PC pronoun confused me at first too. It’s a linguistics thing really, just like turning latina/ latino into latinx. It’s an attempt to make the English language into something that it’s not: unbiased and ungendered. There are less gender biased and more gender biased languages out there and people are trying to change English into one of those. I try to follow all of the changes in our language but it’s just not possible to learn every change!

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    1. I think that as we age, gender is less interesting than it is to young people. And changing the name of things/people doesn’t eliminate bigotry or bias. But, I’m perfectly willing to use whatever term is in the vogue if I know what it is. I’m just grateful that English isn’t like Spanish and French in assigning gender to everything. I recently learned, from watching Emily in Paris, that “vagina” is masculine in French. Go figure?!

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